Crappy results, great lessons

This week’s article is a plea for ease, for letting go to make better things happen. It’s about not holding on so tight and to allow mistakes. Because in the long run, that’s how learning and growth can happen.

My son, who’s 11, had a tough week. He took two tests—one in German and one in math—and both went fabulously badly. During his German test, he burst into tears, overwhelmed by the fact that he hadn’t prepared enough.

When I found out, I faced a real conundrum. My first reaction was to get upset and take over: "Clearly, you can’t manage this on your own. I’ll check your homework from now on, and we’ll make sure you’re prepared for every test."

But then I paused. Why was I choosing to step in? Was it because it was genuinely the best thing for him in the long run? Or was it because I felt the need to control the situation and ensure a better result in the short term? That moment of inner reflection made me realize that taking responsibility for his work might improve his grades now, but it would stop him from taking ownership of his own success.

This inner work—asking myself whether I was acting from a place of fear or a place of intention—mirrors the struggle many managers face. Every time we step in to fix things, we need to ask ourselves: Am I choosing this because I feel the need to take control, or is this really the best decision for the long-term growth of my team?

The Conundrum: Short-Term Success vs. Long-Term Growth

In the workplace, anyone in a management position often faces the same dilemma. There is the implicit directive to ensure high-quality work. And when things don’t go as planned, the temptation to take control can be overwhelming. But every time you step in to take responsibility for results, you close the space for the employee or the team to develop their own accountability.

The inner work to be done is to recognise what’s behind our actions. Does it feel easy to let things go wrong? Is it easy to allow a deadline to be missed? If it’s impossible, that means you are driven by fear. But if we stop and reflect, we can choose to act differently.

Instead of stepping in from a place of anxiety, we can choose to guide from a place of trust. Trust that allowing room for mistakes is necessary for growth. Trust that in the long run, empowering others to take responsibility will yield better results than micromanaging ever could.

The Manager's Mind Shift: From Control to Intentional Leadership

Here’s where the inner work really matters: as managers, we must consciously shift from doing to guiding. This shift is not just a tactical change; it’s an internal mindset shift.

1. From: "I have to make sure this gets done right."
   To: "I have to help my team take ownership of the result."

   The inner work here involves recognizing when our instinct to control is driven by fear. We ask ourselves, “Am I doing this because I can’t stand the uncertainty, or because it’s truly necessary?” Shifting from controlling to guiding allows us to be more intentional about when we step in and when we step back.

2. From: "I’m responsible for the outcome."
   To: "I’m responsible for the process that helps others own the outcome."

   The work here is in letting go. Instead of feeling the pressure to own the result, we focus on facilitating an environment where others can step up. This requires trusting that things might not go perfectly, but that the process of learning and ownership is more important.

Empowerment Through Inner Work

The foundation of empowering your team lies in your own ability to reflect and self-regulate. Here are a few key steps:

• Start to notice the tension
  Understanding what’s going on with you is the first step to be able to let go of it. Begin to observe what triggers you.

• Let go of wanting to step in to fix things
  Just as my son needs to learn from his failed tests, your team needs room to do their own thing. Align yourself towards the mission of being a leader who is really really skilled in terms of empowerment. That way, your focus shifts from the impeccable results to how a crappy result will feed your mission.

• Pause before acting.
  Before stepping in, ask yourself: Am I choosing this because I feel the need to take control? Often, our instincts lead us to act out of habit or fear. Pausing helps us make a conscious decision to act from a place of trust and guidance.

• Become a coach
  Instead of stepping in to fix problems, focus on guiding with questions that help reflexion. By the way, coaching also only works when the coach has let go of the result - otherwise there is always an undertone of right or wrong.

Choosing When to Step In

Of course, there are moments when stepping in is necessary. If my son were in serious academic trouble, I’d need to intervene. Similarly, if a project at work is in crisis, stepping in to prevent disaster might be the right choice.

But these moments should be exceptions, not the norm. The real challenge is to develop the discernment of when to intervene and when to let go. Learning to trust your team to own their work, while stepping in only when truly needed, will be key.

Are you puzzled by the journey?
I’d love to address your question or thoughts in my next newsletter!
Get in touch with me: ka[email protected].

See you next time!!

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